Fun days are upon me...

I have started many a post over the last week but have had so much going on that they never made it to the save or post position. 

It's crazy how much better a day can go when you have a more positive outlook on yourself and your surroundings. I am starting to find the me I was a few months ago and really am starting to love myself again. The self-doubt is a toxin that I hope to never allow in my system again. Sugar is my toxin of choice and as it exits my body I feel better physically as well as mentally. Sugar is another white drug it's legal but just as deadly. I know that I am going to extreme and not everyone should so that I just have bad reactions to it, however, the amount of sugar we Americans consume daily is scary. It's in everything and tastes so good, but is it worth all the bad that comes with it? Ask me in a month and hopefully I can say I have been sugar-free for over a month. Slip ups happen and I always get the sugar headache when they do but as long as you make the simple changes things will continue to improve. 

I have three months to reach my goals and go on my dream 40th birthday trip! Which I will follow with a family cruise in January. I'm excited to have these trips in place where I know I will look good, be healthy, as well as unbelievably happy. 

Until tomorrow, have a fantastic day and know it is not always easy but what in life worth working for is?

T-116 day one done 116 to go...

So fifty pounds is the magic number for weight-loss. I can do this. I will not quit again. I can't afford to quit again, I want my life back. I have had one heck of a headache since yesterday from not having sugar. This is when I tend to give up on the first day. The withdrawal headaches suck and they last for about a week, but I am continuing to remind myself that after it goes away I stop getting them. It so easy to go back to the norm and so hard to reintroduce the good habits. 

This week I am giving up sugar and soda. This is the top of my list of priorities for the first week. I know I can't give up everything at one time so simple (or not so simple) changes added each week. I challenge each of you to pick one thing to change this week and to build on each week. The changes will also be adding things in.

Today for breakfast I ate my egg bread with a slice of turkey bacon. Healthy yummy breakfast sandwich. 

Today I will be doing a simple cardio since my head is still pounding so much. The little changes will make big differences. A lot can happen in 90 days and I can't wait to see the results at the end of these 90 days.

Tonight's dinner:

Crockpot Lasagna

1 1/2 lbs ground beef/turkey

1 onion

1 1/2 c low sugar spaghetti sauce (less than 5g)

1 1/2 c fat-free cottage cheese

1 egg, beaten

1 c grated mozzarella cheese, divide in half

1/2 tsp Italian seasoning

Brown ground beef with onion in skillet. Add spaghetti sauce and mix with meat and onion.

Pour half of meat mixture in slow cooker. Sprayed with nonfat cooking spray.

In a small bowl, mix together the cottage cheese, egg, and Italian seasoning.

Beat we'll with fork.

Spread half of the cheese mixture.

Sprinkle 3/4 c of mozzarella over cheese mixture.

Repeat layers.

Cover and cook on low 4-4 1/2 hours.

T-117 countdown to 40th begins...

... And with it a new resolve to do better. I have turned into the old me the me I promised I would never be again. It's so easy to eat what you want and not worry about working out. Unfortunately, with this comes all the ailments of not working out. The extreme tiredness, the lack of excitement, the feelings of self-loathing, lack of self-esteem and the list can continue to go on and on. Yesterday I purchased my tickets for San Francisco for my fortieth birthday trip which means the day is in sight and it is time for me to reach the goal I had set for me this year. 

Today I am making Egg Bread to make sandwiches on. It tastes yummy and gives you the satisfaction of bread.

Egg Bread

Divide 4 eggs 

In a bowl mix 4 egg yolks, 1/4 c cottage cheese, 3 tbs Parmesan cheese

Mix together the four egg whites until foamy, mix in 1/4 tsp cream of tartar. When peaks from you will fold into yolk mixture.

Cook on cookie sheet with parchment paper or in muffin tin. Makes 6-8. I also like to make it in a loaf pan and then Cut it like bread.

Cook at 300 for 35-40 minutes.

Today I will be making egg salad sandwiches with it. I know it's a lot of egg but I don't do that often and egg salad sounds super yummy to me.

For dinner I will be making sesame chicken with quinoa.

2 boneless chicken breasts

Salt and pepper

1 tbs olive oil

3 coconut aminos

2 tbs rice wine vinegar

2 tbs honey

1 garlic clove

1 tsp cornstarch

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 c thinly sliced green onions

2 tsp sesame oil

1 tsp toasted sesame seeds

Quinoa 1 c dry quinoa 

             2 c chicken broth

Season chicken with salt and pepper

Heat oil add chicken and sauté about 4-6 minutes stirring occasionally until cooked.

While chicken is cooking whisk together aminos, rice wine vinegar, honey, garlic, ginger, and cornstarch until combined. When the chicken is cooked through, add the green onions and aminos mixture to the pan and stir immediately to coat the chicken. The sauce will thicken quickly. Stir in sesame oil, then remove from the heat and serve over the quinoa.

One of our favorites. It is so yummy!

Why is this so hard?

I haven't been on for a while and I was in hiding from everyone. Hiding the fact that I had gone backwards many many pounds. This past weekend was a good one for me. Boyd and I decided that it was time for the two of us to do this together. I have great support and need to start afresh and am ready to. I worked out today and are well for the first time in a while. Thanks to Nicole and her amazing dressing recipe I made the best salad. Yummy. I can eat homemade salads. I always like salads from places but normally not from home. Here's to a fresh start!

One day of negativity and then l'll be back

I was on such a high yesterday that ended up backfiring and I was definitely not trying to hurt anyone by it I was trying to help. Well, I screwed up and bad. Today has been an emotionally draining day. A few things have surfaced that in all my happiness I had forgotten. I still am a people pleaser and I still feel awful when someone reminds me of what I did wrong. I was in the wrong, but only 98%. Hindsight is 20/20 and if I could go back I would. I have had a broken dam gushing down my face. I am not perfect and I never have claimed to be. As a human we make mistakes. I am allowing myself this one day to feel sorry for myself and then tomorrow continue with the growth and transformation I am working so hard on.

On a positive. I took a picture of me yesterday and felt like I looked good for the first time ever.

I'm back for real...

After getting lost on the road to weight loss I finally found my way back. I gained back 17 pounds which is super frustrating but I had some issues I had to work out in order to get back on the path. 

This weekend we spent with my amazing sister-in-law Nicole who looks amazing and helped inspire me to get going again. I am back and hope to stay on track, but even if I get lost it is not the end of the world and I can always find my way back. 

This Saturday I am running a 5k with an amazing friend and Emma. It is a night run and will be a lot of fun! I love these races and the feeling of accomplishment. 

I haven't posted on here since I ran my half marathon two weeks ago. I had hurt my ankle and not run for a couple of weeks prior. I ran all but the last half mile. I hit a wall on the last hill and just couldn't run another step. I feel like a rock star since I have never run that far at one time before and took a half hour off of my time from the last time I ran this race. I continue to amaze even myself with what I can accomplish. I need to go downstairs and run my three miles, I was hoping the rain would stop but we need it so I won't complain. Life is good and only gettingn better so I will continue to chug along.

Today, I decided that the toughest part for me is coming up with what to eat and then fixing it. It is so much more convenient to grab something at a fast food place unless you decide to cook for four hours and get everything prepared. Here is what I have been doing. I have the top shelf full of proteins the next shelf has fresh veggies cut up for easy treats as well as roasted veggies for meals. Under that there are waters, then hummus which I am going to like;-), eggs followed by apples and other misc veggies! One week of food in one afternoon.

Sometimes things are hard

The last couple of weeks I have detoured. I am back on the right road again and can't wait to see where this journey continues taking me. 

Sometimes you will see you have to go down a little but each step leads you in the right direction. I'm gone down the hill a few times over the past couple of weeks. I don't know what happened to me and I am sure it won't figure it out bit one misstep doesn't mean that I have to fail. It is just an opportunity to grow into the person I want to become. Becoming stronger each time you make a mistake because you realize you can move forward and don't have to continue to move backwards. I am strong and confident I just needed to remind myself of these things again. I love me and though I am a little disappointed in myself I am also proud of myself for climbing back on the correct path. 

Happy Sunday

As I sit here enjoying making a yummy meal that is healthy for the family I realize how good my life is. Things are turning around for the good in our home. We are achieving things that we have been working on forever and I am finally turning into the me I have wanted to be for years. I'm no longer scared of reaching my goals. Why are we scared of such dumb things? My fear was of failure but unless you try you will never prove to yourself you can succeed. 

Today I am wearing a pair of jeans I bought a couple of years ago. I really liked them and decided that I would get I to them some how. When I started on this journey I could not get them passed my calves. Today I was able to button them up and wear them! 

The coloring isn't good since the blinds were open but they fit!!! I am now down 48 pounds and feeling so good! 

Failure is a choice to not try. The person who comes in last at the end of the race beat every person who was not willing to get off of the couch! Remember you will only fail if you refuse to try. One step at a time is all that it will take. Baby steps lead to huge accomplishments.

We all have those moments...

After being so good for three months I failed miserably the last few days. It's sad that I can work so hard and do so well and slip up for four days and put on twelve pounds.... Twelve pounds that took weeks to take off. I don't know what happened and today is a new day with 100% chance of success and I will succeed. Life happens, we make mistakes and fail but do we really fail? I think if we are willing to jump back in the saddle and head out to achieve great things than we really aren't failures. We had a few bad days that we gain strength from. We learn we can overcome anything. Successful people don't give up when the going gets tough they pave a new path. My path is a bit steep and rocky right now but I will continue to trudge through to the end. 

I have had so many non-scale victories to count so just because the scale may not be my friend today doesn't mean it can't be again in a week. I am much stronger than I ever realized before. Being human we aren't always perfect we have to continue moving forward one day at a time. Taking the baby steps and stumbling along the way. Remember when we were learning to walk we fell down over and over again, but every single one of us walks talk everyday which means we were willing to get back up every single time to gain the independence of walking on our own.

Let's just hold ourselves accountable!

Craving

For some reason I have had crazy cravings the last few days and I caved. This being said I decided I was better off caving a little rather than going on a complete binge. I also realized today was a good day since tomorrow I will be running 11 miles which means I will burn these calories anyway. In doing this I realized I am perfectly capable of having these crazy days because I am not going back to the way I use to be. I am going to continue on this journey with a slip up here and there but with all intentions of reaching the finish line. If it means once a month I slip up then I'll spend an extra hour working out the rest of that week. I am strong and have come so far and will continue to walk through the tunnel until the light shines bright!

Our challenges change but as long as we can continue to work toward conquering them then we will continue to develop the amazing person that comes through on the other side.

Remember we are each capable of making huge changes and becoming the best we can be. Love yourself for what you have accomplished and don't worry about making a mistake once in a while. When we work through these mistakes we come out stronger than when we started!

Sometimes we do make mistakes we eat chocolate, we drink a soda. Don't let that ruin your hard work just start anew tomorrow and remember.....

Project 180.2

Project 180 will be held April 3, 10, 17, 24 @ 6 pm in Centerville. 316 West Chase Lane, (1000 North)

Must reserve your spot and the cost is $40 for the class. 

Either contact me at 801-414-6205 and I will get you on the list or Chalyce at 801-444-5165.

http://youtu.be/lL8IGLiD-3M

Check out our Graduation video!

When life hands you lemons make lemonade

Of the sugar free variety😘 jk

I decided that since my ankle is swollen I had better be careful for the next couple of days. This being said my new awesome New Balance running shoes I won for being the biggest loser in Project 180 came in the mail today. Well, believe it or not the first thing I wanted to do was go try them out. Well, since yesterday I got my Isagenix order and once again had a cleanse I decided I would make lemonade out of this situation. During the cleanse you limit your activity so I started it this morning and will finish it tomorrow and then hopefully by Thursday my ankle will be ready for my 5 mile run.🍋🍋🍋

We don't always have days turn out like we chose. I am finally loving my daily dose of exercise and now I am injured. When these things happen to us we need to remember that these things will pass. (I am scared to go have my ankle checked out since I don't want to be told that I have to stop for a while.)

Look for the positives and this will help you find the positives in yourself! 

Hiking Fun

Our dates revolve around activities these days. In fact Boyd thinks all conversations turn into fitness. Maybe so but it's because my habits have changed so drastically over the last few months. I like to get out and go and now that the weather is so amazing why wouldn't we be out playing. Today we hiked up to Adams Canyon and did it in half the time we have ever done it in the past. I didn't have to stop after every hill. I still have problem with breathing on hills but now that is the only time I do use my inhaler and I can go a lot longer without issue. My next challenge is to master the breathing with hills but I have come so far and know that this will happen. I was telling Boyd how my "think I can" mentality has changed to a "I know I can" one. Saturdays ten mile run would have scared me to death in the past but I set off knowing that I was perfectly capable of finishing my run strong. I did just that though I messed up my ankle. I have it in a brace so that I can continue to achieve my goals!

As we continue on our way to better living each day will become easier. Our habits will continue to change for the better, and eventually we will become the best version of ourself! By surrounding ourselves with family and friends that support our decisions and help us to reach our goals we are able to accomplish great things! Continue working hard but take it one step at a time so that you will see your successes at the top of the mountain. 

We all gain strength from one another and the messages I share are from my heart but at some point I look forward to learning from you as well. Keep positive and keep moving forward.

I did it

I knew I could and proved it to myself today. Ran 10 miles in 2 hrs and 16 minutes but that includes several stops for street lights! So proud of myself. I just keep doing things I never thought possible three months ago. I'm tired now and my right ankle is hurting again but other than that I feel amazing and just tired from my busy day. 

Run away from the negativity that sometimes brings you down. Rememver you are important enough to deserve the very best! I am amazing and I am beginning to realize this!!! Life just continues to get better and better. So glad that I made the decision to make the proper changes to become the best me possible.

My picture at the Finale for the first session of Project 180. I am pretty dang hot for an old lady😉

The suns up lets just hope the temperature is also

Getting the kids ready for school, the sun is up, the sky is blue.... Wonder what the temp is... When I started running the thought of running outside scared me. I did not like it at all. Now after running many a run outside this has changed. Yesterday was a bitter cold morning so I went to The Gym for my workout. I jumped on the treadmill which I use to love. I had an action movie playing which use to get me moving and I started to run! I did three miles and worked on pace up to 6 miles per hour and then finished it off at a 9% incline! I really am working on my endurance for the hills at the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon. Daily I continue to prove to myself that I can do hard things that once seemed impossible but now are completely possible! Today I am running 4 1/2 miles and I just decided the first 1 1/2 miles will be hiking Adams Canyon face again and running down. I have to beat my 24 minute time from my last trip. Setting goals is how the dreams are made! This is a lesson that Boyd has told me many times when trying to get me to do this but now I realize that until it is written down you will be more likely to give up. Seeing it is a constant reminder of what you are completely capable of.

And as a reminder:

The first 41, on to the next 41

Hit -41 pounds today! Can I jump for joy and shout it at the top of my lungs? Actually I'm only 39 pounds away from my goal! Wow I can't believe it! 

It's crazy to think as I started on my path to fitness that I had no clue where I was going but knew that I had to do it. I now have a much greater knowledge and the ability to help others when they ask what I have done and what they could do to improve their own lives. I am capable of so many things I never thought possible. Today I ran 3 miles and the last was at a 9% incline. I am determined to finish the Thanksgiving Point in 2 hours and 30 minutes a personal record for me on any half and 50 minutes faster than the last time I did this run! I am starting to have muscles in place of the cellulite that once graced my arms, legs, stomach, yes I still have extra fat around my body but have you seen what one pound of fat looks like. Try imagining what 41 pounds if fat looks like and it is no longer on my body! 

Love that I am not afraid to be in the pictures with my family anymore! I know we are a good looking bunch!

It is amazing how fast things come when you work at it...

Today was Saturday thus my long run day! It still amazes me hours later how far I have come from dying during my first mile runs to running 7.52 miles in 12 1/2 minute miles. I really do continue to amaze myself! I have come so far and for the first time in my life I can honestly say I am proud of myself. Yes I have blisters, I have bruises, I have aches but all of these things are evidence of the hard work I am doing. Hit -39 today! Tomorrow will be -40 and then -45 before I know it. In the last ten years the lowest I have been is 10 pounds away. I am going to surpass it by many pounds and am super excited to reach new marks that is once thought impossible! This new atronger, healthier me is taking leaps where I was once scared! I love feeling capable of great things.

Love this

What a little hard work can do...

Today my sister and I drove up to Logan to get out of town and grab root beer chocolate milk for my girls. As we are driving she told me that she found the perfect fat picture of me since she hadn't really been able to tell I had lost weight until she saw this picture. It makes me even more determined than ever to keep on the path that I am on. 

And then today I decided that I had better get a picture so you could see the difference 40 pounds can make! 

You can have bad days it's just what you do after them....

I have been struggling a little this week. I haven't eaten too many calories just not eaten the right food! I am not thrilled but I am not letting that bring me down! Today I started my cleanse which is a great way to get rid of the crap that I have in my system. I love the fact that these slip ups don't take me down I just rise above them. I am going to reach my goals this time round! I'm up five pounds but those will be coming off of me again soon in the near future. Today I am going running with Emma and doing Prisoner Burpees at GPP. With a name like that I know I am going to be in pain tomorrow!

I can do it even if I don't think I can

Well, Thursday morning I ran 4 miles, rowed 1100 m and then did a 25 minute crossfit workout! Can we say ouch comes to mind? Woke up and at 5:30 yesterday I did another 20 minute crossfit workout that pretty much put me at deaths door. Not really but fortunately I couldn't sit down without screaming with pain so I got a lot of housework done. This morning I was suppose to meet my running buddy but literally could not get out of bed so I sent her a text, fortunately she slept in and it was pouring rain at the time so I don't feel quite so bad. Finally worked my way out of bed and did a slow three miles. Slow but done! My body hurts and I complain about it because I can barely walk my stairs, but as I am complaining I am also feeling Empowered. These muscles hurt because they have been abused for so many years. They are just shouting out to me to keep on going because they have needed this. I feel fortunate for all of the wonderful things that keep falling into my lap. The ability to eat healthy and exercise which is making me the person that I always knew I could be. The new friends that keep coming into my life as we work on this journey. Now almost down 40 pounds I realize more than ever that I really can and am doing hard things. Hard but amazingly awesome.

I feel so fortunate to have a loving husband, amazing family, and wonderful friends to support me on this journey to my happily ever after. This power from within is pushing me farther than I ever thought I would be at this point. A friend that I haven't seen for a couple of weeks said that my weight is just melting away. It is through what use to be difficult choices in my meals, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. I have had many bloody blisters on this journey so the blood does apply and tears from realizing what my problems were and tears of joy as I hit goals. Several goals have been check off of my list. Minus 5, 10, 20, 30, under 200, running more than 5 miles, and the list goes on. Well, off to get kids places for this day to start!

Hiking and lunch

Today I had the privilege of hiking with my sweetie. 7 miles and I did not get winded at all! It was fun! We climbed up on boulders and ate our lunch! Love that our dates are revolving around fun activities. Time together while burning calories! Crazy fun times ahead! 

Running around the block

Albeit a big block a six mile block. Today as my awesome friend Mary ran it was therapeutic. Crazy how little things can fill your bucket. In Project 180 we talked about how we all walk around with a bucket. We all give and take but at times we give and give until our bucket is empty. Well, my bucket was overflowing after this run. We spoke about how though many people think growing up skinny is easy there are challenges. I never learned to take care of myself and am having to teach myself new tricks. 

I realized that I have been so successful because the stars aligned just right. I was ready to make the changes and finding project 180 and Isagenix was just the icing on the cake. I am learning things that I need to become the best me. The added benefit is that now that I am taking care of myself I actually have better recall, I don't feel as dumb as I have with the funk I was in. My life isn't perfect but I am perfectly content with making it more so every single day. Off to shower and get started with this amazing day! 

First race I ran fully!!!5k

A lot in a little bit of time

It's crazy what can happen in under two months. Shed 30 pounds, run 6 miles, learn to love yourself... So many things that have held me back for far too long! This once pessimist is an optimist. I see the good in things that I was unable to for years. I judged others because it made me feel better, unfortunately, at someone else's expense. I'm glad that I can look past that, I'm not saying I am perfect and never do it but for the first time in my life I see the perfection in people's imperfections. I realize that I don't know their trials. They aren't as perfect on the inside as you might have once thought. My life gets better and better everyday as I find the person that was trapped deep inside of me for so many years. I love being the cheerleader for the underdog. Things come easier for me these days because I jumped straight in with both feet running but there have been many times that I have not made it farther than dunking my big toe before giving up on my challenges. As I start on my Isagenix road I feel better than ever. It's crazy to have energy. I use to get up get the girls to school and sleep until just before they got home on a good day. On the other days I would jump out of bed to throw something in the microwave for them and then get right back in bed. I wore the same attire daily and felt like a slob. Now I get up look in the mirror and think how far I have come and how amazing I am. I am strong, kind, amazing, awesome so many things that I could find in others but not myself!!!

The first 30

I hit -30 last night! It is so nice to finally be turning into the best me possible. I can do things now that I wouldn't have thought possible two months ago. I think the biggest triumph for me is that I now know I can do this! Having friends going through the same thing side by side is so helpful! So looking forward to the future and seeing what I can accomplish!

Taking the Hard Days and .....

This week has definitely been one of my more challenging. I have had a little sugar but after today's headache it really let me know that the consequences are worth slipping often. The one positive is I finally past the plateau I have been stuck at. I hit -28 pounds today. I'm over 1/4 to my goal and feeling like my life just continues to get better and better. 

I still have a long journey but know what I can become. Until tomorrow good luck with your journey.

The Beginning of the End. My happily ever after.

The beginning of the end. This is one of those times that the end is not a bad thing. Actually it is a great thing it is the goals that I will accomplish at the end of my journey. A couple of months ago we had family pictures feeling good about myself and not really seeing me for when I looked in the mirror I was shocked and in horror as I saw this photo of me with my sweetheart. Could I really be that fat? Denial.... it is a safety net that many of us surround ourselves with. Mine was a lot bigger than I realized. A whole lot bigger. I was healthy, albeit a little fat. This is what I told myself. If I wasn't healthy then I wouldn't be able to accomplish many of the things I was doing. After all I could hike with my family; though I would have to use my inhaler and as I struggled to breath it was just because I have asthma, not because I was carrying around an extra hundred pounds. We will just refer to my inhaler as my crutch. I could run after my kids for 5 minutes... isn't that normal?!? I had run/walked 4 half-marathons, Ragnar, and Grand Tetons Relay, the last two my teammates would have preferred to have my 10 year in my place. I was healthy... though I had constant headaches, any time we went out to dinner we would have to go home so I wouldn't get sick at a movie.... HEALTHY, some of you might be very familiar with this healthy. Well, the Skinny Truth of it is you aren't healthy if you are carrying this added weight around everywhere you go. If you can't bend over to tie your shoe without being winded you are not healthy.

Things happen for a reason and sometimes they come just at the right moment that they are needed. I turn 40 this year which I have no idea how this is possible. I still think I am 26 with an almost 12 year old but 26 nonetheless. As 2014 was quickly approaching and my husband's nagging about my taking care of myself finally set in things just feel in to place. It always amazes me how this happens. I hadn't been able to see this in the past but now it has become Crystal Clear. I decided that I would start this journey on January 2, 2014. No, sugar and exercise.  I wanted to allow myself the first to indulge in all that I was used to. As I was looking through Facebook I came across a weight loss group called Project 180. It was free since it was a trial run of the program and was a 90 day class. I jumped on board and having been paving new paths ever since. Besides learning why my choice to not eat sugar was even more important than I originally realized I also learned that you have to find your truth. Your truth being what brought me to this point in the first place. It was tough since I have an amazing family, a beautiful home, and love and support from many.  It took me two full weeks to figure out what my truth was and since then this journey has become a lot easier. Now here is my truth....

MY TRUTH

I have been doing more thinking over the last month than probably my whole life. I needed a much needed wakeup call. I was ready to do something for myself and ready to be worthy of the change. As I come closer and closer to turning 40 I realized that this is the time to make the changes I so need and to become the person I so deserve to be. 

I love Sarah Nitta's word "EMPOWERED" that is becoming such a strong part of my life... I feel unbelievably Empowered. After typing out and committing to the races I was going to run this year I had decided that I would only run the Thanksgiving Point 5K since the half was so incredibly hard. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done besides running the Grand Teton Relay in 104 degree heat up an endless sandy road followed by a night run in a wheat field where I was sure a scarecrow would attack me. The morning after I decided this as I was at the gym at 5. My plan for the day was to run 1 1/2 miles at 4 miles per hour. This was a tough goal but I was determined to accomplish it. I started to run and increased my pace and all of a sudden I had run 2 miles. My time is up so that I can go lift weights but in that moment I realized that I could absolutely run the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon. I am perfectly capable (at the time I was down 20 pounds). Positive affirmations started running through my head, "I am thin," "I am strong," and "I am EMPOWERED!" I got home from work that day and found a 12 week training plan to get me ready for this race. 

Since this was written I have lost an additional 10 pounds, and Saturday I ran 4 1/2 miles at almost 5 miles per hour. I felt refreshed, my heart rate was up, but I was able to breath without the crutch I had used as my excuse for so many years. 

Being skinny growing up I just thought I would always be like that. After getting married I had a reaction to birth control and gained a ton of weight and got comfortable. Having never seen myself as good enough I started feeling like I didn't deserve to look good. At 27 I hadn't reach any of my goals or dreams. I had wanted a baby for years and still had none. I later learned that I had PCOS which makes what happens over the next three years miraculous. I had a precious 3 lbs 1 oz baby girl in July of 2002 and found out I was having twins just after she turned 1. I was overjoyed to learn that we would be having a girl and a boy, Emma and Tyler, 3 kids in just under 2 years. Since I had been on bed rest and hospital bed rest for most of my pregnancy with Aspen I was watched very closely. The twins were growing and moving and al around healthy. My life was looking up though we were having some other issues at the time. We lost our house one month after the birth of my daughter Emma, Tyler had past away at 28 weeks in utero for no apparent reason. Everyone walked on egg shells and I thought all was well. I had a beautiful healthy baby girl. What I didn't realize is that I was numb, I filled out the birth certificate and death certificate at the same time. I cuddled my baby girl but I was not there emotionally. (I have very few pictures of this perfect little being in her first couple of years.) I was in a dark place I had dug the hole of depression deep. I didn't realize this until a year and half later when I became pregnant with my last daughter Dylan. We had been able to buy a new house and at church one Sunday they were talking about grief. Grief, I had never grieved for the lose of the son I never was able to meet. This opened me up to start healing. I lost weight and started feeling good about myself. However, I still didn't feel like I deserved to be complimented and look good. I gained all the weight back and another 15 pounds and been hiding behind my fat for many years now. I have spent so many years trying to please others. Thinking the only way to have friends is to basically buy them. I fell hard into the hole of self-doubt again. 

Today, I realize that I deserve to be happy. I am amazing, beautiful, and a great friend even if I don't treat you every time we go out. I am so ready to take this journey with all of my friends in this place that I can be honest and raw. I hope that through my journey and reaching my end that I can inspire others to join me . I love myself, I love feeling Empowered. I have a sparkle in my eyes probably for the first time other than when I married my sweetheart almost 18 years ago and the birth of my 3 perfect daughters. I love me the whole me the good and the bad. 

As I end this first of many messages I hope that I can help others along their journeys whether it be weight-loss of overall health. I will put in info that will help you become the best you there is. 

A few photos from this journey of bettering my life.