Hiking and lunch

Today I had the privilege of hiking with my sweetie. 7 miles and I did not get winded at all! It was fun! We climbed up on boulders and ate our lunch! Love that our dates are revolving around fun activities. Time together while burning calories! Crazy fun times ahead! 

Running around the block

Albeit a big block a six mile block. Today as my awesome friend Mary ran it was therapeutic. Crazy how little things can fill your bucket. In Project 180 we talked about how we all walk around with a bucket. We all give and take but at times we give and give until our bucket is empty. Well, my bucket was overflowing after this run. We spoke about how though many people think growing up skinny is easy there are challenges. I never learned to take care of myself and am having to teach myself new tricks. 

I realized that I have been so successful because the stars aligned just right. I was ready to make the changes and finding project 180 and Isagenix was just the icing on the cake. I am learning things that I need to become the best me. The added benefit is that now that I am taking care of myself I actually have better recall, I don't feel as dumb as I have with the funk I was in. My life isn't perfect but I am perfectly content with making it more so every single day. Off to shower and get started with this amazing day! 

First race I ran fully!!!5k

A lot in a little bit of time

It's crazy what can happen in under two months. Shed 30 pounds, run 6 miles, learn to love yourself... So many things that have held me back for far too long! This once pessimist is an optimist. I see the good in things that I was unable to for years. I judged others because it made me feel better, unfortunately, at someone else's expense. I'm glad that I can look past that, I'm not saying I am perfect and never do it but for the first time in my life I see the perfection in people's imperfections. I realize that I don't know their trials. They aren't as perfect on the inside as you might have once thought. My life gets better and better everyday as I find the person that was trapped deep inside of me for so many years. I love being the cheerleader for the underdog. Things come easier for me these days because I jumped straight in with both feet running but there have been many times that I have not made it farther than dunking my big toe before giving up on my challenges. As I start on my Isagenix road I feel better than ever. It's crazy to have energy. I use to get up get the girls to school and sleep until just before they got home on a good day. On the other days I would jump out of bed to throw something in the microwave for them and then get right back in bed. I wore the same attire daily and felt like a slob. Now I get up look in the mirror and think how far I have come and how amazing I am. I am strong, kind, amazing, awesome so many things that I could find in others but not myself!!!

The first 30

I hit -30 last night! It is so nice to finally be turning into the best me possible. I can do things now that I wouldn't have thought possible two months ago. I think the biggest triumph for me is that I now know I can do this! Having friends going through the same thing side by side is so helpful! So looking forward to the future and seeing what I can accomplish!

Taking the Hard Days and .....

This week has definitely been one of my more challenging. I have had a little sugar but after today's headache it really let me know that the consequences are worth slipping often. The one positive is I finally past the plateau I have been stuck at. I hit -28 pounds today. I'm over 1/4 to my goal and feeling like my life just continues to get better and better. 

I still have a long journey but know what I can become. Until tomorrow good luck with your journey.

The Beginning of the End. My happily ever after.

The beginning of the end. This is one of those times that the end is not a bad thing. Actually it is a great thing it is the goals that I will accomplish at the end of my journey. A couple of months ago we had family pictures feeling good about myself and not really seeing me for when I looked in the mirror I was shocked and in horror as I saw this photo of me with my sweetheart. Could I really be that fat? Denial.... it is a safety net that many of us surround ourselves with. Mine was a lot bigger than I realized. A whole lot bigger. I was healthy, albeit a little fat. This is what I told myself. If I wasn't healthy then I wouldn't be able to accomplish many of the things I was doing. After all I could hike with my family; though I would have to use my inhaler and as I struggled to breath it was just because I have asthma, not because I was carrying around an extra hundred pounds. We will just refer to my inhaler as my crutch. I could run after my kids for 5 minutes... isn't that normal?!? I had run/walked 4 half-marathons, Ragnar, and Grand Tetons Relay, the last two my teammates would have preferred to have my 10 year in my place. I was healthy... though I had constant headaches, any time we went out to dinner we would have to go home so I wouldn't get sick at a movie.... HEALTHY, some of you might be very familiar with this healthy. Well, the Skinny Truth of it is you aren't healthy if you are carrying this added weight around everywhere you go. If you can't bend over to tie your shoe without being winded you are not healthy.

Things happen for a reason and sometimes they come just at the right moment that they are needed. I turn 40 this year which I have no idea how this is possible. I still think I am 26 with an almost 12 year old but 26 nonetheless. As 2014 was quickly approaching and my husband's nagging about my taking care of myself finally set in things just feel in to place. It always amazes me how this happens. I hadn't been able to see this in the past but now it has become Crystal Clear. I decided that I would start this journey on January 2, 2014. No, sugar and exercise.  I wanted to allow myself the first to indulge in all that I was used to. As I was looking through Facebook I came across a weight loss group called Project 180. It was free since it was a trial run of the program and was a 90 day class. I jumped on board and having been paving new paths ever since. Besides learning why my choice to not eat sugar was even more important than I originally realized I also learned that you have to find your truth. Your truth being what brought me to this point in the first place. It was tough since I have an amazing family, a beautiful home, and love and support from many.  It took me two full weeks to figure out what my truth was and since then this journey has become a lot easier. Now here is my truth....

MY TRUTH

I have been doing more thinking over the last month than probably my whole life. I needed a much needed wakeup call. I was ready to do something for myself and ready to be worthy of the change. As I come closer and closer to turning 40 I realized that this is the time to make the changes I so need and to become the person I so deserve to be. 

I love Sarah Nitta's word "EMPOWERED" that is becoming such a strong part of my life... I feel unbelievably Empowered. After typing out and committing to the races I was going to run this year I had decided that I would only run the Thanksgiving Point 5K since the half was so incredibly hard. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done besides running the Grand Teton Relay in 104 degree heat up an endless sandy road followed by a night run in a wheat field where I was sure a scarecrow would attack me. The morning after I decided this as I was at the gym at 5. My plan for the day was to run 1 1/2 miles at 4 miles per hour. This was a tough goal but I was determined to accomplish it. I started to run and increased my pace and all of a sudden I had run 2 miles. My time is up so that I can go lift weights but in that moment I realized that I could absolutely run the Thanksgiving Point Half Marathon. I am perfectly capable (at the time I was down 20 pounds). Positive affirmations started running through my head, "I am thin," "I am strong," and "I am EMPOWERED!" I got home from work that day and found a 12 week training plan to get me ready for this race. 

Since this was written I have lost an additional 10 pounds, and Saturday I ran 4 1/2 miles at almost 5 miles per hour. I felt refreshed, my heart rate was up, but I was able to breath without the crutch I had used as my excuse for so many years. 

Being skinny growing up I just thought I would always be like that. After getting married I had a reaction to birth control and gained a ton of weight and got comfortable. Having never seen myself as good enough I started feeling like I didn't deserve to look good. At 27 I hadn't reach any of my goals or dreams. I had wanted a baby for years and still had none. I later learned that I had PCOS which makes what happens over the next three years miraculous. I had a precious 3 lbs 1 oz baby girl in July of 2002 and found out I was having twins just after she turned 1. I was overjoyed to learn that we would be having a girl and a boy, Emma and Tyler, 3 kids in just under 2 years. Since I had been on bed rest and hospital bed rest for most of my pregnancy with Aspen I was watched very closely. The twins were growing and moving and al around healthy. My life was looking up though we were having some other issues at the time. We lost our house one month after the birth of my daughter Emma, Tyler had past away at 28 weeks in utero for no apparent reason. Everyone walked on egg shells and I thought all was well. I had a beautiful healthy baby girl. What I didn't realize is that I was numb, I filled out the birth certificate and death certificate at the same time. I cuddled my baby girl but I was not there emotionally. (I have very few pictures of this perfect little being in her first couple of years.) I was in a dark place I had dug the hole of depression deep. I didn't realize this until a year and half later when I became pregnant with my last daughter Dylan. We had been able to buy a new house and at church one Sunday they were talking about grief. Grief, I had never grieved for the lose of the son I never was able to meet. This opened me up to start healing. I lost weight and started feeling good about myself. However, I still didn't feel like I deserved to be complimented and look good. I gained all the weight back and another 15 pounds and been hiding behind my fat for many years now. I have spent so many years trying to please others. Thinking the only way to have friends is to basically buy them. I fell hard into the hole of self-doubt again. 

Today, I realize that I deserve to be happy. I am amazing, beautiful, and a great friend even if I don't treat you every time we go out. I am so ready to take this journey with all of my friends in this place that I can be honest and raw. I hope that through my journey and reaching my end that I can inspire others to join me . I love myself, I love feeling Empowered. I have a sparkle in my eyes probably for the first time other than when I married my sweetheart almost 18 years ago and the birth of my 3 perfect daughters. I love me the whole me the good and the bad. 

As I end this first of many messages I hope that I can help others along their journeys whether it be weight-loss of overall health. I will put in info that will help you become the best you there is. 

A few photos from this journey of bettering my life.